withsadness | Week 2, Post-Trial: Ichigo

[Mary doesn't like it. She stops, and she starts to smile, but then she really looks at him. It's not just that he's upset. It's...the way that he's not acting. The absence of what's been there in their previous conversations. Something more gentle is missing from his stance. So, without thinking, she ends up taking a step backward again.

It's a reaction that she had to learn: anyone who acts in a way that she doesn't expect them to know that something is different about her. And then they reject her. And then they hate her.]

Why...are you looking at me like that? I just wanted to make sure you were okay...

I'm not -

[He starts up, and then...he stops. He can't lie to her or to himself and say that nothing's wrong, because -

He's been wondering about her, too. At first, he thought she was picking up things from Izaya and Jacopo, but with the way she kept being so bloodthirsty, so intense with wanting players dead...

It chilled him to the bone, not just because of what she was saying, but because even a child who'd been part of horrible things, had horrible parents - even they wouldn't act the way Mary does.

So he just sighs, finally kneeling down and looking her in the face for once - not looking afraid or mad, but just trying to understand - seeing her own fear and not liking it, because - she is sweet, despite everything. But...

He needs to know, for his own sake.]

Mary, I want to ask you something. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but...

...Were you a human before you died? Or....were you something else?

Edited 2018-03-25 04:31 (UTC)

[It amazes Mary, the way that he can just say these things. He's sharper than the others may take him for--he's just too honest. And that honesty translates to a forwardness that's something ultimately akin to recklessness. She stiffens in such a way that gives an answer all on its own. Her teeth press together so hard she can't help the way it turns her lips into a frown. But it's not an angry found so much as a despaired one.]

How did you know?

[The moment she admits it, it's like everything clicks into place. And instead of the rejection, the fear she's expecting?

He just lets out a sigh of relief.]

...Phew, I'm glad. I was really starting to get worried, you know?

[That gentleness that's so present whenever he interacts comes back in full force, and he reaches out to gently ruffle the top of her head.]

I thought that might be the case - I've met someone like you, back when I was alive. She was a little less eager to hurt people, but she was also still pretty small, too.

[Well. When she wasn't being a full grown adult with HUGE TITTIES, thanks kubo. Regardless, Ichigo is well aware that there are people who don't have the same moral system as most humans, or that they could have urges or instincts that others might see as unnnatural. But for him, as long as he's aware of what she is, he can work with it - his major issue had been seeing her as a human little girl instead of whatever she really is.]

I started figuring it out around the first week - some of the things you say are a little intense - but I only really pieced it all together after the toy store burnt down.

[Speaking of -]

Are you some kind of Tsukumogami, Mary? Like a doll that's been around for a long time, and loved enough to gain a life of it's own?

[Because really, if she's a Yokai? Everything then makes a hell of a lot of sense.]

[It was such a hard thing for her to say, dreading his response, that it doesn't hit her right away that he isn't angry or scared. Mary can hear a ticking clock on her mind, but nothing comes of it. And when nothing comes of it, she can't help but tear up. Her hands shake as she wipes at her eyes. Not that all of her tears have been fake, but these are probably the most real ones she's felt.]

A doll? No, I'm...

[She breathes in and out, avoiding looking into Ichigo's face. He's so calm now, so nice, but she's still afraid.]

You aren't mad?

Why would I be mad?

[His voice is gentle - and he helps her wipe away some of her tears with his sword - calloused fingers, still looking as kind as ever.

Ah, this reaction...she must be used to people rejecting her, and it makes his heart ache a little in his chest, mind flashing back to the days when he would lie to people about seeing ghosts out of fear that people would think he was strange. Of trying to seem normal, despite everything working against him.

It's a terrible feeling, and he gently sweeps her up into a hug, trying to show that he's still the same supportive person as ever, even knowing her secret.]

It must've been hard for you to keep a secret like this, huh? Especially after today's trial.

[What with Sei wanting to prick everyone and see what their blood looks like.]

But it doesn't change anything, right? You're still Mary, aren't you?

I'm still Mary! I'm Mary!

[She insists it as she hugs him back, holding on tight, wanting to bury herself in his arms so she doesn't have to face the rest of the world or what they could do to her.]

My father painted me on a canvas with brushes. I was the very last one he ever made.

[She clenches her hands into fists.]

I made a friend who fell into my home, my gallery. She thought I was lost just like her...and when she found out I wasn't she burned me up in a fire!

[Painted her on canvas...So she was a tsukumogami, but of a painting instead of a doll. And it seemed that she lived in a world with the others, in a gallery? Something like that made perfect sense to him - like the world of the living and the dead, two worlds that were never meant to touch but co-existed beside each other.

Then she reveals her end, and he -]

How could she?

[He doesn't know the whole story here - not by a long shot - and Mary is intense, but...she's no less scary than a hollow or an Arrancar, and she's in a child's form. Even in the world she originally came from, that doesn't mean that someone should kill her for the crime of not being human.

He cradles the back of her head with his hand as he holds her, his expression hard before softening as he thinks about how painful that must have been for her.]

...I'm so sorry that happened to you, Mary. You didn't deserve it.

[Mary hiccups against Ichigo as she struggles with the way that she feels, the terror and the rage and confusion all bubbling up inside of her. Her childishness mixing with the years beyond even her own knowing. This is so hard to talk about.]

Junko burned them all up--she burned them and I hate her, I hate her! I hate her!

[Burned them all up -

He's confused for a moment before he realizes what she's talking about. The manikins and masks in the toy shop...Mary had loved that place, and now he thinks he understands why.

She'd said the place reminded her of her sisters, didn't she? It probably did remind her of her home, among all the other pieces in the gallery in their own little world. In that case...no wonder she was so devastated by what had happened.

He lets her get it all out - she needs it.]

I know, I know. She didn't get away with it, did she? She'll be gone by tomorrow, in the same way she took them away from you.

[And also in the same way she took Eleanor away from everyone, but - Right now, Mary's pain comes first.]

[Eleanor is a hard blow in and of itself, but it's easier for her to understand her feelings for those who are more like her. Humans are confusing. She loves them, envies them, wants to be one herself, but she can't truly relate to them, and they frighten her just as much as they fill her with wonder. So where does she place Eleanor's kindness, or any of their kindnesses, in importance? It's complicated.]

Yeah...she will.

[She slowly seems to be calming down, at least a little. Her hands slowly unclench.]

And I don't scare you, either? You don't think I'm scary?

[He's glad to see her relax a little, and he lets her go just enough so he can look back into her eyes, if she'll let him - so that she can see that he's not scared in the slightest by her being non-human.

After all, she was here, acting just like a little girl who's faced so many hard things in her world, killed just for being different. How could he ever be afraid of her after hearing that?]

Of course not. You're someone I care about, no matter if you're human or not.

[It's a genuine smile that flits onto his face, warm, open, and inviting.]

I'm a shinigami, remember? I've seen a lot of things - and I've fought a lot of things - and I've been able to make friends with people who aren't human. Just like you.

[That doesn't mean he loves how gung-ho she is about murder, but...Well. He can deal with it now.]

I remember!

[It makes the beginnings of a smile reappear on Mary's cheeks, and she nods her head.]

You won't take it back no matter what then, will you?

[Another pause.]

And you won't tell anybody?

I promise I won't take it back - and I won't tell anyone.

[There's not even a single moment of hesitation as he holds out his hand, pinky extended - a gesture she should recognize.]

You can make me swallow a thousand needles if I lie, alright?

[He knows she'll probably take that literally, but...He won't betray her trust in him, especially about something like his.

He knows what it's like to be different, and to try to hide what you are.]

Okay!

[Mary giggles like it's a joke. Maybe not a promising reaction but at least it makes her smile widen as she takes her finger and wraps it around Ichigo's.]

My friends mean more to me than anything, you know. All I want is for us to all be able to play together.

[It's just, sometimes, that playing involves murder. Sometimes you have to kill your friends so you can keep making more, forever.]

That's the real reason I decided not to go back home. It's so, so lonely.

[And thus, the sacred pinky promise is complete. Ichigo nods, patting the top of her head again.]

That's alright. It's a good reason to not go back, anyway.

[He gives a sad smile, his eyes reflecting a deep, unhealed pain.]

I didn't go back because all of my friends were already dead...and that I'd had to do something that might get undone if I returned to life.

[Or worse...he'd be alive but trapped, limbless, in the crystal.]

Week 2, Post-Trial: Ichigo

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