Week 5, Post-Trial: Alex

[withsadness]

[This she may be dreading more than anyone. They all trusted each other...and now they're down to the two of them, and it's Mary's own fault. She banked on that trust to get away from her own mistakes. But she can't hide from this. She has to talk to Alex. Hanging her head, she approaches cautiously.]

...do you hate me?

Comments

[allsetfree]

[ Alex winces. of course not, of course not - and just knowing she was absent enough for Mary to think it hurts. but it's her own fault. whatever shut-down she had during that trial is over now, and it's time to deal with the mess of it.

she drops down to her knees in front of Mary to get their heights closer. she opens her arms for a hug. if Mary wants it, but it should be plain by Alex's hesitant expression that she's not sure if Mary will accept it or not. ]

No, Mary. Never.

[withsadness]

[She needs that hug more than any of the other hugs, right now. She gulps as she holds onto Alex, her legs feeling so weak that she nearly falls into the older girl.]

I'm so glad, I was so afraid of that. I'm sorry, I'm really so sorry.

[allsetfree]

[ Alex squeezes her tight, probably uncomfortably tight, and pets her hair with one hand. for however much desperation there is in the embrace (it's just them left, they're the only ones left on the team, now) - Alex's voice is firm and even. ]

I could never hate you, Mary.

It doesn't... Change what you did. But I know that you didn't want to. And I know that you already feel guilty, so you don't need to hear about it from me.

All we can do is keep going. And I want to stick with you for that.

[withsadness]

I know...I can't take it back. I wanted to, but I can't...

[And she has to take responsibility for that. She's trying, of course, but it's hard for someone her age. Even someone eternally her age.]

I want to stick with you, too. I don't want you or Akira or Undine not to trust me...because I want to bring everyone back, too.

[allsetfree]

[ that's the other thing. Mary is just like the ghosts, just like the Sunken. they reverted back to childlike mentalities. and Alex has grown to hold a certain level of acceptance of them. and unlike Mary, they were not eager to please, not desperate for love.

being capable of horrible things - feeling trapped into doing them - that's familiar to Alex. in the Sunken. in herself. and in Mary. ]

I trust you, Mary. We'll stick together.

[ and ]

You can't take it back, but we're going to bring everyone back and... That's pretty darn close.

[withsadness]

Yeah...we can do it! I know we can do it!

[She holds onto Alex more tightly, too. In this moment, she feels ridiculous. All these people were always here to support her, and yet...

No, what's done is done. That's what they keep saying. And her reasons for choosing Assassin over Ichigo were no less valid than the reasons she's here begging for Alex's forgiveness.]

They're going to come back...and then they'll all get to lead new and happy lives.

[allsetfree]

[ that isn't as comforting for Alex. there are no happy endings for Alex. it's either keep being a Reaper, be Erased, or - back to the void. none of those are stellar.

but she's happy to be able to cheer Mary up a bit. ]

Yep!

[ Alex draws back from Mary, but keeps her hands on her shoulders and keeps down at her level. she's still working on working Mary down from the drama of the day. ]

What happy life do you want to have, Mary?

[withsadness]

I want to be a human like father, and I want to live with him.

[She takes a breath, the shakiness from her stance starting to fade.]

But he's already dead, and I don't think that I can just change what I am if I was allowed to go back home, so if I had to go back and be alone, I think I'd rather meet new friends here.

[allsetfree]

What do you think makes someone human?

[withsadness]

I don't know...everyone says it's a heart. But I don't know if I even have one because I've never seen it.

[And she's not going to join the ranks of those who opened up their chest to do so.]

[allsetfree]

Well - there are two kinds of hearts. Like, the physical kind, which, what's so great about that? If you can live without one of those, then screw it. People get organs removed all the time, like, spleens or kidneys. They're not less human once they lose 'em.

Or there's the metaphorical heart. When we use 'heart' to mean feelings. To mean caring about other people. And I know you've got that down.

So I think either way, you're good?

[withsadness]

[Mary shakes her head.]

Where I'm from, I'm stuck. So even if I felt like a human, even if I wanted to go be with them...

[Well, it's just not that easy.]

But everyone here has told me that I'm human, just like you have. I just wish that when the game ended, we could all still be with each other.

[allsetfree]

It's in a really different way, but I'm stuck back home, too. So I'll keep being a Reaper after this, if I can, and...

Maybe we'll get to work together again. But in a nicer game than this one.

[withsadness]

I hope so, too.

[Aahhhh, but she doesn't like maybes. They're so...uncertain.]

I wonder if there's a way we can keep talking to each other even when we're far away.

[allsetfree]

Let's ask, okay? On Monday, we can ask.