Week 2, Post-Trial: Newt

[withsadness]

[So, uh, that sure was a spectacular way to end a trial. She would've run off basically immediately after her dismissal by Newt, and following that, made herself generally scarce. Ultimately, though, she ends up at the same place she'd ended up the night before, hiding in the ashen ruin that she's been mourning over. Her new blue dress is getting horribly messy, but she doesn't care. All Mary wants, in that moment, is to fade into the ground.]

Comments

[completelycrazy]

[Newt looks down at the mask, not at all sure where Mary is going with this. He's a little scared, he realizes. Something is... not right, here.]

Yeah, of course, kiddo. I promise.

[He's not sure if he's going to be able to keep those promises, especially not the last one, but he'll try his best. The last thing he wants is for her to doubt him.]

[withsadness]

I'm...

[She doesn't want to say it, and goes quiet. A terror builds quickly in her chest, her heart squeezing roughly, begging her to stop. It tells her that trust isn't enough. Friendship isn't enough. She's never told anyone who and what she was because the one time someone found out for themselves, she wound up dead.

But maybe if she had told them herself, that wouldn't have been so scared. Maybe it wouldn't have had to happen. She's had some time, now, to think about the maybes.]

I'm not like you. I'm not a real girl. Please don't be mad.

[completelycrazy]

[There's a moment or two where Newt is stuck watching her expectantly. That explanation can't end there. Not... real? What? He rubs at her arm again, feels the fabric of her sleeve under his fingers. She certainly feels real. Is that some trick that this game is playing on him?]

Hey, I'm not mad. Why would I be mad about that?

[He hesitates, really at a loss of where to start with this, and then, because he sucks and I gotta:]

I'm, uh, not a real girl either. [He laughs, though a bit awkwardly.] I'm... I don't really know what that means. Sorry. You look real enough to me.

[withsadness]

[This time, approaching it like ripping off a bandaid, because she's already come so far, Mary speaks without much of a hesitation to clarify what she means.]

I'm not human. My father painted me to life, and I couldn't exist in the real world because there's no place for someone fabricated in reality.

[Mary's voice gets small once again.]

That's why I burned so quickly.

[completelycrazy]

O-oh.

[Newt rocks back on his haunches, pulling his hand away. It's more out of surprise than anything else, but he regrets it immediately. Shit, he just promised her he wouldn't think of her any differently.

And he doesn't, not really. He's yet to make any real sense of this admission, anyway.]

I... I'm sorry. So, um, when you say you want to live... You want to be real. Um, well.

[He looks down at his hands as he plays with one of his bracelets. God, he wishes he was better at this. He doesn't know what to say. Nothing's going to help this.]

You know, Mary, I think... I think a lot of the world doesn't make sense. Like, when I was a kid, monsters and aliens were just these--these made up things? They just... weren't real, not in a tangible sense. But then, all the sudden, we've got these massive aliens popping out of the ocean, threatening to destroy the entire planet, and it's not like we had any warning? It just kind of happened one day, and then it kept happening, and that was, um, that's just how things are now. That's the new reality.

[He shifts his weight, focusing even more intently on his wrist. He hopes all this will mean something to her.]

Before I died, I didn't believe in any sort of afterlife. Certainly nothing like this. When people die, you're just like, done, y'know? There's never been any scientific evidence that-- [No, stop it, that doesn't matter right now.] Waking up here threw me for another loop. It changed everything I thought I knew about how the world works. Not just the fact that I died and yet here I am, still kicking in some sense of the word, but... Like, I've never... Nothing like what you're describing exists in my world. Lenka's a giant cat, Mutsu's a sword, apparently... There's people from all different times and places and freaking universes...

[It's more than a little overwhelming when he tries to think of all of it at once like this. He stops himself, takes a breath.]

I don't know. My point is, all of this is unreal. There's no precedent. And I know, like, everything, okay? [He laughs a little.] But I'm, god, so out of my depth here. I can't be sure of anything. So... Uh.

[He glances up at her again. After a moment, he reaches up to take her hand in his.]

I'm sorry that happened to you. But, um, maybe what you think you know about how the world works isn't actually true. Maybe when you go back, you'll find a way to make it work, or you'll find a way to be happy despite it all. Or, I don't know. At the very least, you can't rule that out. This game... It changes everything, you know?

[withsadness]

[It's not surprising the Newt regrets letting go, because the look on Mary's face clearly shows the way that she took it, and it's unclear if the rest of what he's trying to tell her is sinking in properly as she feels the weight of that absence spreading through her whole body.

Are these supposed to be words of comfort? Is Newt trying to make her feel better? Mary can't tell. She brings her hands up to her face, feeling like she's trying to hold herself together just underneath her skin. It's moments like these that her entry fee makes it so hard. How can she feel comforted when all she can feel is disdain and lies?

No, no, no don't listen to that voice. Just take the words without their emotion, and think about them logically.

Mary shakes as Newt takes her hand--it's so small inside of his, cold and trembling.]

Humans are incredible. They have so much to hope for.

[Mary gives him a smile through her shaken discomfort.]

You really don't think I'm scary?

[completelycrazy]

[He swallows. That... sure is an interesting response, Mary.]

Um, no, I don't think you're scary. [Slightly unsettling, maybe, but not scary.] There are a ton of things around here that are way scarier than anything you've just told me, okay?

[He grips her hand more tightly, trying to ignore the fact that she's shaking.]

[withsadness]

[Mary doesn't stop smiling, but her lips to press together so it thins out--like she's trying to keep something trapped inside of her, consciously or unconsciously.]

I guess I'm just used to being treated like the scariest thing in the world...

[The shaking starts to ease, little by little, her tension starting to drain.]

I'm glad you don't think of me that way, too. You're really amazing, Newt. Do you know that? That you're amazing? I'd be really sad if I'd never met you.

[completelycrazy]

[That is legitimately the first time anyone has ever said something like that about him outside of his family. He blinks, not sure how to respond.]

Th-thanks, Mary... I'd be really sad if I'd never met you, too. I don't, um, I mean, I've never really had a friend like you before. [...] And I'm not talking about you not being human. That doesn't matter to me.

[He's not sure that she'll believe him. He knows he's bad at this, and on top of her entry fee, the odds are really stacked against them. So he sits up again and gently pulls her into a hug. He presses his nose into her shoulder and squeezes her tightly, hoping that maybe she'll be able to feel some fraction of the intense affection he feels for her in this moment.]