Week 3, Saturday: Hermann

[withsadness]

[When Mary spots Hermann, her Easter basket still in hand, she all but skips up to him, her eyes gleaming.]

Hi there, Hermann! Did you have a fun day?

Comments

[byjove]

[Hermann is always up for conversations with Mary, the least frustrating person in this whole stupid place. He smiles when she approaches. She's also the only person allowed to call him Hermann without it being annoying.]

It was certainly better than the others.

[He got chocolate!!!]

Did you find a lot of eggs?

[withsadness]

Uh-huh! Seven, I think! But one of them was just in my pocket when I woke up.

[It made her feel really special.]

I traded some candy for a toy game and everything. Did you get anything fun?

[byjove]

Just some chocolate. Newt got a toy dinosaur, though.

[He figures the Actual Child will enjoy that.]

Seven is quite a lot. [He thinks, lol.] Was it all just candy, then?

[withsadness]

Candy, and a note, and stretchy stuff that I thought was taffy...I traded some candy for a toy bowling game.

[She does pull something out of her basket and thrusts it into his palm.]

I found this, too. You can have it! It's a present for your Schwanz. I know they're your favorite.

[It's a condom. She just handed him a condom.]

[byjove]

[He's about to ask what the note said but the next part. This kills the man.

He stares down at the thing in his hand for a solid 30 seconds. Just. Blinking. What the fuck what the fuck.]

M-Mary, where did you-? [Oh. Never mind. Of course.] Newton.

[withsadness]

Newton! Newt Newt Newt!

[She doesn't know why they're saying his name but she likes his name so she'll say it, too!]

I won't tell anybody about the water balloon accident, so you don't have to feel shy.

[byjove]

Water balloon-? What?

[He's still too flustered to think properly. This is a disaster. He shoves the condom into a coat pocket before anyone else can see it. It's not that he wants it, but he can't just??? let Mary have it???]

Mary, is this the only one of these he gave you? And listen, you can't go around repeating the word Schwanz.

[What if somebody else speaks German!!! God!!!]

[withsadness]

Oh, he didn't give it to me. I found it in an egg! I didn't know what to do with it.

[She's totally not listening, not really.]

Whatever you say!

[byjove]

[Hermann breathes, finally. At least Newt isn't giving condoms to children. But the Composer is??? Yike.]

Listen, if you find any more of these, you should be sure to give them to an adult. They're... They're not for children.