Week 6, Wednesday: Maya

[withsadness]

[Mary's here! At the ramen shop! She clearly doesn't seem to understand what or how to order. She's bad at this. Her brain demands a hot pot party. Why the souls of the dead gotta be so chatty?]

Maaaayaaaaa! What are you gonna get?

[Help pls.]

Comments

[feytality]

[ maya reaches over to stroke her hair. ]

Does. [ gently corrects her. ] Infinity Lancelot shouldn't have asked you to do that. It wasn't fair to you.

[withsadness]

Infinity Lancelot...

[Context clues tell her that she means Assassin. She misses him, too, even if he was a really bad influence.]

I could have said no. I just thought...

[She's not sure what she thought. It all feels so distant now. She's always living so in the moment.]

I thought he'd give me his forever...but I guess he never said that. It's just what I wanted. I guess forever isn't something that anyone can actually give me.

[feytality]

--- Assassin. That's the temporary name I gave him, since I couldn't tell him his real name.

[ maya too. she feels guilty about how her 'erasure' might have contributed to the path he went down. ]

I understand. Sometimes, when you want someone to love you and stay with you forever... you tell yourself you can make it happen, even if you know that deep down, it won't.

[ ruffles her hair. ]

[withsadness]

[Mary's eyes close. Maya's gentle touch makes her feel at peace, even if the subject is so sad.]

You mean Shinshin wasn't his real name?

[She just got so used to saying it, it really felt real!]

Did you have people who you wanted to be with forever?

[feytality]

No... his real name was his entry fee. So I wasn't allowed to tell him what it was. Shinshin is pretty cute, though, I think it's his nickname.

[ it's okay they can just stay like this. ]

... Yeah. People I wanted to love me, too, but they didn't. I tried to get them to, but it doesn't work that way.

[ a beat. ] But, Mary.... no matter how much you love someone, if they ask you to do something that will really hurt you -- like killing someone you love, that isn't okay.

[withsadness]

But how do you say no when they ask so nicely?

[It's...kind of a valid question? Anyone else might understand that murder isn't exactly a normal thing to get guilt tripped over. That it's easy to express how you're uncomfortable, but...

We don't need to express just how not normal Mary's thought process is.]

And you never want to see them do anything but smile?

[feytality]

[ maya is both maya and an npc so her moral compass ain't all there either. ]

You think about what's best for you -- what's going to make you smile. People who really love you..... shouldn't ask you to do things that will make you cry. You know?

[ i ran out of pearl icons. ]

[withsadness]

[The tragedy that is Mayan.]

I don't think I've ever been good at figuring out what the best thing for me is.

[Uh-oh she's trying not to cry again.]

I get so confused sometimes...I get an idea of what I think would be good, and then something bad happens instead. Do you think maybe I bring it on myself?

[feytality]

[ maya's smoothing her hair down. ]

How did you think through the Ichigo thing?

... I don't know if I'd put it that way. But I think wanting to be loved can sometimes cloud your judgment.

[withsadness]

I don't remember...

[It's not entirely untruthful. Life really comes at you fast.]

I mean...I'm not sure if I thought about it. I didn't want to do it...but I guess I thought...Ichigo was like a brother to me but Shinshin was more like a father, and if I had to choose...I wanted a father more than a brother. And I knew that Ichigo would be less likely to get mad at me...