withsadness | Week 6, Wednesday: Maya

[ listen if she'd known about the ghost of hot pots passed she could have tried to make something. ]

Well, you want to try all sorts of different good foods, right? Why don't we order a bunch of things together?

That sounds amazing! One of everything! We're rich, so it's fine!

[Okay rich is a stretch but. She figures Maya's probably good, and she's still living off an inheritance.]

This city has all sorts of tasty foods.

[ maya should probably discourage mary from ordering one of everything..... nope? nope. ]

Yeah, it's one of the best things about it! What are your favorite foods for far, Mary?

Ummm...I liked...the ice cream and the pasta. But I think I mostly liked the pasta because I got to have it with so many friends together.

[What a simpler time. Mary slides in her order.]

Which foods do you like the most?

[Like, she could probably guess, but that's not how one holds a conversation.]

That's always good. Burgers are my fave 'cause I used to eat them with sis all the time, so I get you.

[ maya the fatass also slides in her order and leads mary over to a spacious booth. ]

And ramen of course! That's why I wanna try the combination. But I've got a separate stomach for pasta, and for sweets.

I want to have three stomachs!

[That sounds absolutely incredible?]

Burgers like at McDonald's?

I bet you can! How big is your appetite? [ maya has plenty of stomachs, thanks, she's not just limited to three. ]

Yeah, but honestly -- there are way better burgers out there than McDs. Next time we meet up, I'll get one for you.

You will? That's so nice! I'm glad we're friends!

[She snuggles into her seat at their booth. This brings up more questions.]

I meant to ask earlier this week but I forgot...are we going to be able to still see or talk to each other after the Game ends?

Me too! And I can fix your hair up for you, if you wanna keep it up in that hairdo.

[ hmmm. ]

Well, that depends. Typically, Reapers don't know about other Composers or Conductors.... and we're gonna be in two different areas, plus you gotta answer to your Composer...

[ a beat. ]

But if you want, you can come my Game. I'm sure my Composer will be on board, since you're so cute and all.

You really think so? That would be amazing! It would be so sad to lose so many good friends, you know?

[Ideally they could just all travel to where ever they wanted all the time but every friend that can be added onto the list of people she can be friends with forever is a big bonus.]

Maybe you can write them.... it's tricky though, even Composers don't usually meet up.

[ something to ponder, though. ]

Doesn't that get lonely?

[I totally forgot to have her answer the hair question but just assume she said yes because she absolutely wants the Maya Topknot look for the rest of her eternal existence.]

....

Yeah, it does.

[ gonna do mary's hair all pretty!!! ]

[Hairstyles and makeovers to block out the crushing pain of loneliness.]

Oh...

[Her face falls a little bit.]

You don't have any friends you work with back at your Game?

[ the true girl way. ]

... Not really. People tend to want my position, so if they try to be friends with me, it's usually to get me to lower my guard. [ so they can erase her. ]

I made some really good friends here, though. [ she brightens up a little! ] Like you. And you know about feeling lonely too, right?

Edited 2018-04-19 07:02 (UTC)

[Mary nods, putting her chin in her hands. Her elbows are on the table like a mannerless heathen. :/ ]

Yeah...I decided to become a reaper instead of go back home because home was so lonely...I thought anything at all would be better. It has to be!

What were your Games like, Mary? Did you have fun?

[ soon the food's gonna arrive and maya is a mannerless heathen herself so she's definitely not going to correct mary. ]

Fun? Fun? Did I have fun? Did I, did I have...did I...fun?

[She kind of lost it there for a second...sorry, Maya. Mary gets a far off look for a second as she thinks, but then she blinks and she's back.]

No...not really. Nobody wanted to play with me, so I Erased them.

[ are you okay.... mary.... maya tilts her head and glances at her while she's doing that. ]

What kind of Games were they....?

[Please continue to keep in mind that I'm canonblind and doing my Best with this AU Backstory.]

I've only been in one game as a reaper so far. The other was when I was still just playing for me, and because of my entry fee...I thought they all hated me. It made me feel bad.

[And she made bad choices. And then even more bad choices when she realized what she had done so wrongfully.]

But I've felt better now...at least until I Erased Ichigo.

[ you're doing great okok. ]

The entry fee being the feeling that people could love you, right? Yeah, that would really mess with a person.

[ .... ]

It really hurt you to do it, huh? [ maya looks concerned rather than admonishing. ]

Yeah...

[She lays her head on the table.]

I never really got to know any of the others...but...Ichigo was special. I knew that he did love me.

[ maya reaches over to stroke her hair. ]

Does. [ gently corrects her. ] Infinity Lancelot shouldn't have asked you to do that. It wasn't fair to you.

Infinity Lancelot...

[Context clues tell her that she means Assassin. She misses him, too, even if he was a really bad influence.]

I could have said no. I just thought...

[She's not sure what she thought. It all feels so distant now. She's always living so in the moment.]

I thought he'd give me his forever...but I guess he never said that. It's just what I wanted. I guess forever isn't something that anyone can actually give me.

--- Assassin. That's the temporary name I gave him, since I couldn't tell him his real name.

[ maya too. she feels guilty about how her 'erasure' might have contributed to the path he went down. ]

I understand. Sometimes, when you want someone to love you and stay with you forever... you tell yourself you can make it happen, even if you know that deep down, it won't.

[ ruffles her hair. ]

[Mary's eyes close. Maya's gentle touch makes her feel at peace, even if the subject is so sad.]

You mean Shinshin wasn't his real name?

[She just got so used to saying it, it really felt real!]

Did you have people who you wanted to be with forever?

No... his real name was his entry fee. So I wasn't allowed to tell him what it was. Shinshin is pretty cute, though, I think it's his nickname.

[ it's okay they can just stay like this. ]

... Yeah. People I wanted to love me, too, but they didn't. I tried to get them to, but it doesn't work that way.

[ a beat. ] But, Mary.... no matter how much you love someone, if they ask you to do something that will really hurt you -- like killing someone you love, that isn't okay.

But how do you say no when they ask so nicely?

[It's...kind of a valid question? Anyone else might understand that murder isn't exactly a normal thing to get guilt tripped over. That it's easy to express how you're uncomfortable, but...

We don't need to express just how not normal Mary's thought process is.]

And you never want to see them do anything but smile?

[ maya is both maya and an npc so her moral compass ain't all there either. ]

You think about what's best for you -- what's going to make you smile. People who really love you..... shouldn't ask you to do things that will make you cry. You know?

[ i ran out of pearl icons. ]

[The tragedy that is Mayan.]

I don't think I've ever been good at figuring out what the best thing for me is.

[Uh-oh she's trying not to cry again.]

I get so confused sometimes...I get an idea of what I think would be good, and then something bad happens instead. Do you think maybe I bring it on myself?

[ maya's smoothing her hair down. ]

How did you think through the Ichigo thing?

... I don't know if I'd put it that way. But I think wanting to be loved can sometimes cloud your judgment.

I don't remember...

[It's not entirely untruthful. Life really comes at you fast.]

I mean...I'm not sure if I thought about it. I didn't want to do it...but I guess I thought...Ichigo was like a brother to me but Shinshin was more like a father, and if I had to choose...I wanted a father more than a brother. And I knew that Ichigo would be less likely to get mad at me...

Week 6, Wednesday: Maya

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