Week 6, Wednesday: Maya

[withsadness]

[Mary's here! At the ramen shop! She clearly doesn't seem to understand what or how to order. She's bad at this. Her brain demands a hot pot party. Why the souls of the dead gotta be so chatty?]

Maaaayaaaaa! What are you gonna get?

[Help pls.]

Comments

[withsadness]

Doesn't that get lonely?

[I totally forgot to have her answer the hair question but just assume she said yes because she absolutely wants the Maya Topknot look for the rest of her eternal existence.]

[feytality]

....

Yeah, it does.

[ gonna do mary's hair all pretty!!! ]

[withsadness]

[Hairstyles and makeovers to block out the crushing pain of loneliness.]

Oh...

[Her face falls a little bit.]

You don't have any friends you work with back at your Game?

[feytality]

[ the true girl way. ]

... Not really. People tend to want my position, so if they try to be friends with me, it's usually to get me to lower my guard. [ so they can erase her. ]

I made some really good friends here, though. [ she brightens up a little! ] Like you. And you know about feeling lonely too, right?

[withsadness]

[Mary nods, putting her chin in her hands. Her elbows are on the table like a mannerless heathen. :/ ]

Yeah...I decided to become a reaper instead of go back home because home was so lonely...I thought anything at all would be better. It has to be!

[feytality]

What were your Games like, Mary? Did you have fun?

[ soon the food's gonna arrive and maya is a mannerless heathen herself so she's definitely not going to correct mary. ]

[withsadness]

Fun? Fun? Did I have fun? Did I, did I have...did I...fun?

[She kind of lost it there for a second...sorry, Maya. Mary gets a far off look for a second as she thinks, but then she blinks and she's back.]

No...not really. Nobody wanted to play with me, so I Erased them.

[feytality]

[ are you okay.... mary.... maya tilts her head and glances at her while she's doing that. ]

What kind of Games were they....?

[withsadness]

[Please continue to keep in mind that I'm canonblind and doing my Best with this AU Backstory.]

I've only been in one game as a reaper so far. The other was when I was still just playing for me, and because of my entry fee...I thought they all hated me. It made me feel bad.

[And she made bad choices. And then even more bad choices when she realized what she had done so wrongfully.]

But I've felt better now...at least until I Erased Ichigo.

[feytality]

[ you're doing great okok. ]

The entry fee being the feeling that people could love you, right? Yeah, that would really mess with a person.

[ .... ]

It really hurt you to do it, huh? [ maya looks concerned rather than admonishing. ]

[withsadness]

Yeah...

[She lays her head on the table.]

I never really got to know any of the others...but...Ichigo was special. I knew that he did love me.

[feytality]

[ maya reaches over to stroke her hair. ]

Does. [ gently corrects her. ] Infinity Lancelot shouldn't have asked you to do that. It wasn't fair to you.

[withsadness]

Infinity Lancelot...

[Context clues tell her that she means Assassin. She misses him, too, even if he was a really bad influence.]

I could have said no. I just thought...

[She's not sure what she thought. It all feels so distant now. She's always living so in the moment.]

I thought he'd give me his forever...but I guess he never said that. It's just what I wanted. I guess forever isn't something that anyone can actually give me.

[feytality]

--- Assassin. That's the temporary name I gave him, since I couldn't tell him his real name.

[ maya too. she feels guilty about how her 'erasure' might have contributed to the path he went down. ]

I understand. Sometimes, when you want someone to love you and stay with you forever... you tell yourself you can make it happen, even if you know that deep down, it won't.

[ ruffles her hair. ]

[withsadness]

[Mary's eyes close. Maya's gentle touch makes her feel at peace, even if the subject is so sad.]

You mean Shinshin wasn't his real name?

[She just got so used to saying it, it really felt real!]

Did you have people who you wanted to be with forever?

[feytality]

No... his real name was his entry fee. So I wasn't allowed to tell him what it was. Shinshin is pretty cute, though, I think it's his nickname.

[ it's okay they can just stay like this. ]

... Yeah. People I wanted to love me, too, but they didn't. I tried to get them to, but it doesn't work that way.

[ a beat. ] But, Mary.... no matter how much you love someone, if they ask you to do something that will really hurt you -- like killing someone you love, that isn't okay.

[withsadness]

But how do you say no when they ask so nicely?

[It's...kind of a valid question? Anyone else might understand that murder isn't exactly a normal thing to get guilt tripped over. That it's easy to express how you're uncomfortable, but...

We don't need to express just how not normal Mary's thought process is.]

And you never want to see them do anything but smile?

[feytality]

[ maya is both maya and an npc so her moral compass ain't all there either. ]

You think about what's best for you -- what's going to make you smile. People who really love you..... shouldn't ask you to do things that will make you cry. You know?

[ i ran out of pearl icons. ]

[withsadness]

[The tragedy that is Mayan.]

I don't think I've ever been good at figuring out what the best thing for me is.

[Uh-oh she's trying not to cry again.]

I get so confused sometimes...I get an idea of what I think would be good, and then something bad happens instead. Do you think maybe I bring it on myself?

[feytality]

[ maya's smoothing her hair down. ]

How did you think through the Ichigo thing?

... I don't know if I'd put it that way. But I think wanting to be loved can sometimes cloud your judgment.

[withsadness]

I don't remember...

[It's not entirely untruthful. Life really comes at you fast.]

I mean...I'm not sure if I thought about it. I didn't want to do it...but I guess I thought...Ichigo was like a brother to me but Shinshin was more like a father, and if I had to choose...I wanted a father more than a brother. And I knew that Ichigo would be less likely to get mad at me...